Tuesday 2nd

I arrive at work to find a parcel waiting for me. It's the Windows resource editor program that I ordered last week for the development team. Should be able to have some fun with this. I install it on my PC and make a back-up copy of all the Windows system files. Now to make a specially customised version of Windows for the IT Operations Manager. First off I find the DLL's where the Program Manager stores its dialog boxes. I edit these and swap over the 'OK' and 'Cancel' buttons. Next I edit the File Manager program, exchange the 'File, Copy' menu option with 'File, Delete' and switch off all the confirmations. Then I copy the files I've changed onto a couple of diskettes. I'll transfer them onto the Ops Manager's machine while he's at lunch. He does so enjoy a good joke.

I'm warming up now. I edit the Solitaire program file and find the bitmaps that store the card faces. I shuffle a few of these around and save the file back to disk. Then I copy the modified file to a network drive and schedule an automatic download to all users' Windows directories the next time they connect to the network. That'll fix those idlers who play Solitaire at lunch time. I wonder if any of them will have the effrontery to call the Help Desk and report that it's not working properly?

I wander off to get myself a coffee and return just as the phone rings. It's the Help Desk telling me that there is an item in the request queue from one of the directors and could I please deal with it quickly. I log into the call tracking database and find the request. It's from Goebbels and he wants a copy of the World Atlas CD-ROM.

Of course, you don't know who Goebbels is, do you? The fact is, I use nicknames for the company's senior executives to help me remember their jobs. Goebbels is my nickname for the Marketing Director. Naturally the Chairman is Hitler. Goering is the Chief Executive, Schacht is the Finance Director, and of course the Personnel Director is Himmler.

Anyway, Goebbels has requested the CD-ROM for his PC at home so he can do some background research on the countries with which we do business. A likely story. Everyone knows he doesn't even know how to switch on a PC and his home computer is just used by his kids for playing games. Doubtless the World Atlas is wanted for some school geography project.

An idea occurs to me. I ring the nearest mail order software supplier.

"Hi, I need some CD-ROM software very urgently. Can you send it by courier immediately? You can? OK, I want the World Atlas, and a copy of Cover Girl Strip Poker. And on the invoice could you please show the latter item as Presentation Graphics Software. Thanks."

When I return from lunch the parcel is waiting for me. I carefully open both packages and swap the discs over. Then I send the World Atlas package to Goebbels. That should give his kids a nice surprise, and if they're smart they'll keep quiet about it.

Later in the day I hear loud curses coming from the Ops Manager's office next door. Puzzled, I go in and ask him what's the matter.

"I was trying to copy some files and they all got deleted."
"So restore them from back up."
"I didn't have them backed up."
"It's a good job they weren't important then."
"They WERE important. They contained all my hardware maintenance records!"
"They can't have been very important if they weren't worth backing up."

He glares at me menacingly. Maybe this would be a good time to go home.