Bumble the Bard in Camelot

What Trolls Do Best (A Midgard Fighting Song)

by Bumble the Bard


A huge and mighty troll I am,
A fighter from a fighting clan;
In Midgard, where the snow does fall,
And Odin watches over all,
Me wield a hammer in my hand,
And bash things up and down the land.

  So bash and crash and smash the rest,
  Coz bashing is what trolls do best.

Them sylvans, they be made of wood:
Me chop them down and bash them good.
Them elves, when they begin to cast,
Me chase them quick, and bash them fast.
They try to hurt me with their spell,
But me find bashing hurts as well.

  So crash and smash and bash the rest,
  Coz bashing is what trolls do best.

Me bash them celts and firbolgs too,
Then cook them up as Irish stew.
Them lurikeens, they hard to eat,
They too much bones, and not much meat.
So me just bash them on the head,
And keep on bashing til they dead.

  So smash and bash and crash the rest,
  Coz bashing is what trolls do best.

Them britons, they be small and weak,
Me bash them hard and make them squeak.
And saracens, who like to hide,
Me bash them all on every side.
And when an inconnu me gets,
Me bash their skulls and eats their pets.

  So crash and bash and smash the rest,
  Coz bashing is what trolls do best.

Them puny men from Avalon:
Me bash them twice, and then they gone.
Them highlanders, they think they tough,
But me think they not strong enough.
They like to fight in pretty skirts,
So me just bash them where it hurts.

  So bash and smash and crash the rest,
  Coz bashing is what trolls do best.

Them kobolds they be good with bows,
The dwarves they heal, and stun our foes,
The norsemen and the valkyn horde,
They fight with hands and axe and sword,
But when it comes to bashing deeds,
A troll is what you really needs.

  We smash and crash and bash the rest,
  We bash their heads and bash their chest.
  We bash them all from east to west,
  Coz bashing is what trolls do best.

THE END