Sweet Dreams / Death by Chocolate

by Bumble the Bard


I was present at a wedding which was lovely to behold,
At the Counsellors' headquarters in the town of Serpent's Hold,
Later at the banquet a whole pig I did consume,
Though if truth be told I didn't really know the bride or groom.

I helped myself to pastries, cakes and sweetmeats by the score,
And I sat beside a callow youth I'd never met before.
I guessed he was a stranger from a far and distant land,
For he spoke a foreign language that I didn't understand.

After many mugs of cider and another slice of pig,
I jumped up on a table and performed a merry jig.
Several flagons later and my legs were feeling weak,
So I slumped into a nearby chair and promptly fell asleep.

A haggard man approached me and I heard him call my name,
He reported that strange monsters had been seen in dungeon Shame.
I quickly made excuses and I hurried to the place,
In the hope of meeting some of these new creatures face to face.

The dungeon seemed deserted so I made my way below,
I traversed each level diligently searching high and low.
A poison elemental came and tried to spoil my day,
So I provoked it on a scorpion and quickly ran away.

As I ran along the passage I espied a hidden door
Which I'm sure I don't remember ever seeing there before.
The door concealed an entrance to a set of wooden stairs
Which were guarded at the bottom by a pair of gummy bears.

The bears did not seem hostile so I started to explore,
And I walked along a path with sugar frosting on the floor.
The path led to a chamber which had bottles all around,
And a cola well was standing in the middle of the ground.

I walked a little further and a chamber I did find,
Which appeared by all accounts to be a store room of some kind.
There were barrels full of caramel and crates of jelly beans,
There were chests of sticky toffee and a trough of pink ice cream.

Further down the corridor I came upon some cells
Which I managed to force open after casting Unlock spells.
I asked the prisoners how it was they came to be enslaved,
And to tell me of the monsters that inhabited this cave.

"We came here long ago," they said, "Exploring underground,
And we found that there were chocolate elementals all around.
At first they gave us chocolate bars and everything seemed fine,
But then they chained us up and made us work the sugar mine."

I said, "You're free to go now, you can come along with me."
But they shook their heads quite sadly saying, "That can never be.
For once you taste the chocolate that the elementals make,
You become a chocoholic and you never can escape."

My anger was ignited by the thought of these poor men
Condemned to dwell below and never see the sky again.
I vowed I'd hunt these monsters and despatch them with great haste,
Then I'd smash them all to bits and grind them into chocolate paste.

I ventured down the passage and continued to explore,
And I found a room with candy statues placed outside the door.
The room contained a pile of chocolate eggs inside a chest,
And I realised I'd stumbled on the elementals' nest.

I quickly found a rock and started smashing all the eggs,
And a chocolate elemental came and grabbed me by the legs.
I pushed it to the wall and then a deadly blow I dealt,
For I struck it with a Fireball and I watched it start to melt.

I heard a loud commotion and I ran towards the door,
To my horror I saw thirty elementals, maybe more.
Before I could do anything they seized me with great force,
And they dragged me off to drown me in a vat of chocolate sauce.

They bound my feet together and they took away my hat,
Then they weighted down my backpack and they tossed me in the vat.
I shouted out for help and took a final gulp of air,
Then I woke up with a start to find me sitting in my chair.

A woman stood beside me asking if I was OK,
And she said the feast was finished and the folks had gone away.
I thanked her for her kindness and I said I was all right,
Then I left to find a tavern and a room to spend the night.

I told the tavernkeeper of the dream I'd had of late,
And we chuckled at the strange effects that cider can create.
Then I made a solemn promise in the presence of my host,
That in future I'd restrict myself to twenty pints at most.

The End

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Copyright (C) 1999 Philip Colby.