Fruit Salad

by Bumble the Bard


I received an invitation just a week or so ago,
To perform a little number at the Jhelom music show.
I polished up my instruments and started to prepare,
For I knew the finest minstrels of the land would all be there.

I saddled up my faithful horse and rode to Skara Brae,
Then I sailed on down to Jhelom singing ballads all the way.
Many famous bards were there, from whom I hoped to learn,
So I sat and watched the other acts while waiting for my turn.

A group of pretty wenches called the Spice Maids took the stage.
I'd never seen their act, though I believe they're all the rage.
I don't remember what they sang, however I recall,
They sang their song while wearing hardly anything at all.

A fellow called Buck Cherry was the next to stand and play.
He sang and strummed his lute in quite a strange and striking way.
The music that he made was like I'd never heard before,
And while he played he strutted like a duck across the floor.

Next there was a singer who seemed barely just a child,
Her name was Britney Maces and she drove the people wild.
Her singing was delightful, but what kept the folks entranced
Was her pleasing curvy figure and the way she liked to dance.

Next to take the platform were some aging hairy crones -
A group of dwarven halflings who were called the Strolling Gnomes.
I had to block my ears to stop the pain, they played so loud,
And afterwards they smashed their lutes and threw them at the crowd.

Finally it fell to me to stand and do my part,
And I sang a weepy ballad of an aching broken heart.
The crowd seemed most admiring of the way I played my lute,
And to show their admiration they all showered me with fruit.

Some threw apples, some threw pears, and some threw tangerines,
Someone threw a bunch of berries wrapped in runner beans.
I bowed and tried to thank them for their gracious gifts so kind,
When a massive watermelon came and floored me from behind.

When I recovered consciousness the concert room was bare,
Except for all the piles of fruit that landed everywhere.
I gathered all that I could hold and stuffed them in my pack,
Then saddled up my trusty horse to start the journey back.

I found my boat, weighed anchor and set sail for Skara Brae,
I also hooked a splendid catch of fish along the way.
When I got home I made a meal of salmon and sardine,
And ate the best fruit salad that the world has even seen.

The End

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Copyright (C) 2000 Philip Colby.